Thursday 7 July 2016

Some super examples of writing this week!!!!

We looked at a video clip of Levi explaining why he needed to learn to write when he was at Primary school. He now writes skateboarding stories for children. We looked at his animated story and the children had to write what happened next...

Levi Hawken - The Great Skateboard Mystery

Story starter by Levi Hawken, Skateboard Legend. 
Hospitalised, Nico must piece together his day to find out what happened to him and his skateboard.
“Nico wakes up in hospital, both legs and both arms in plaster, his skateboard broken in two, and he doesn’t know why… the only thing he can remember is walking up a massive hill with his skateboard and his dog.”
...Niko woke puzzled to find himself in hospital? He struggled to move his arms because there were white annoying casts on his arms and legs. 
"Ouch ow, my head is an exploding bomb" I grumbled.
Glaring around I spied my skateboard broken in two. 
"Think think Niko" I said to myself.
I was walking up a huge hill with my skateboard in my arms and Buster my dog beside me.
Milo is a slow worm getting on the skateboard. 
"Hurry up Milo" 
Sniff sniff sniff, a bacon wrapped cat!
Milo dashed down the big hill like metal bullets winning a race.
"Milo wait up"
I tried to dodge rubbish cans, lamp posts and a parked car, (that was tricky) "Slow down Milo"
But it was too late there was a huge world of bacon wrapped cats. To me it looked like Milo was a bacon wrapped dog. I couldn't control him. Sit, stay and lie down. None of them worked, Milo was too excited.
Suddenly BING! I was back in hospital my skateboard still broken in two!

...Erasing my mind trying not to think about quadruple flips BAM! I suddenly had a rage of thought running through my mind but what were they? Picking sticks out of my jumper I realised that I was in a tree... Panicking I try to call for help!
Thud went my head on the skateboard, crack went my bones. My mind was a blur... Siren noises bounded through my mind as I tried to sit up.
Why am I on medication and my arms and legs bandaged? 
Nurse Gracie, why do I have a nurse in front of me?


... Crashing straight through the fence with my dog still on the leash but... one of my skateboard wheel's hit a stone and I tripped and fell straight into the pool of bacon wrapped cats. 
Crash! bang! ca-boom! Screech went the cats claws as they hit my body. 
Someone must have called the ambulance because one just came charging in, but who called? 
It couldn't of been the owner, the delivery guy and it couldn't of been the neighbourhood because it was a Sunday. 
Suddenly I spied a surveillance team above my head, the surveillance plane is a metal bird. The Ambulance rushed me straight to hospital and there they put me to sleep!!


...Rapidly racing down the street Niko could not get his skateboard to stop! Just then Jim came to a halt but Niko flew into the air. Jumping over the fence Jim ran towards the bacon cats but they all ran like the wind, cutting the grass behind them. Eventually Niko landed right in front of the fence! ZIP! "
AAAAAAAAAAhhhh Jiiiiiiim!" Jim was racing up a tree that some of the other cats were in but now couldn't get down. Soon they were at the top of the tree and all the bacon cats were off!
"Rooof rooof rooof rooof" went Jim and and jumped down down down to the bottom of the tree, CRACK! Niko gave Jim the phone and Jim said in his mind  "dial 111 in an emergency"so he did!
Here comes the ambulance ready to pick up Niko, into the ambulance he went. He picked up his board and Jim went in the front seat.
"So that's what happened to me!"


  1. Amazing work
    Coco,Heidi,Zaiver and Amelie.
    Great describing language you guys used.
    From Megan

  2. Hello Heidi, Coco, Zavier & Amelie, I LOVE the discribing language you used, Coco, I like your simile, my head is an exploding bomb, Heidi I like, erasing my mind trying not to think about quadruple flips. Amelie, I like how you put in, they all ran like the wind, cutting the grass behind them. Zavier, I like your simile, the surveillance plane is a metal bird. It makes your writing so much more exciting!!!
    From Hannah

  3. Hi Coco, Heidi, Amelie and Zaiver
    The describing language you guys used was AMAZING! Coco your sentence starters like, suddenly were great. Heidi I loved the metaphor, my mind was a blur it really pulled the story together. Zaiver your story painted great pictures in my head I loved the metaphor the surveillance plane is a metal bird. Amelie I really liked the start of your story Rapidly racing down the street and I like how you put in, they all ran like the wind. They made your stories more interesting. PLEASE keep on writing stories like these, because they are amazing!!!!!
    From Megan

  4. kiyle I no how the titanic sank it crash t in to an ice breg from logan