Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Tui's Super Writing!!!!

The children have been learning about improving a basic sentence. We looked at the sentence,
I walked through a forest to a log cabin.
Then they were asked to go and improve this sentence. Once they did that we shared a few then we looked at an example on Literacy Shed and what they needed to add to really paint a picture for the reader, and this is what they came up with! 
They have written the first sentence, the improved one with no help then their last one with some strong modelling. 



Journey To A Log Cabin
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27 comments:

  1. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:46

    Hi Tahlia c I like how you put all those ajertives and veabs because they are strong
    By Tahlia n

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  2. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:48

    To Reuben i love your 2nd sentence!! I like the horse freezing at the cabin.
    from taine

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  3. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:48

    Wow Tahlia I like your writing espeshaly the wred scared.

    by Andrew

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  4. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:53

    Hi Amelie
    we like your spooky story it's got some very good words

    by Saul and OliviaL

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  5. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:54

    To tahlia I liked you turning boring words into exciting words like stomped and thorny,when you could of done walked and prickly.
    from Reuben

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  6. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:54

    Sup Amelie
    love the word sparkly it draws me a panting in my head LOVE IT
    by portia

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  7. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:55

    Hi Amelie
    we like your spooky story it's got some very good words

    by Saul and OliviaL

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  8. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:55

    Hi Tahlia c I loved your strong verbs expetherly horrifying

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  9. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:57

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  10. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 10:59

    hi Jayden
    I liked the verds that you used. Ti was a entertainerbill story . A good illerstration to.
    by Liam.

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  11. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:01

    Hi Megan
    I like how you put strong verbs and similes.
    By mackenzie Bl

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  12. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:01

    Hi Hannah your writing is really cool I loved all your agetives and verbs.
    by Niamh

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  13. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:02

    Hi Tahlia C
    It is a really great story and we loved the part when you thought something had just touched you it must of been scary to be in that story can't wait till you make some more fantastic story's.
    From Olivia Russel and Jayden binnie.

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  14. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:02

    Hi Emer
    we love love love your writing!Because you have verbs and loads more!

    By OliviaL and saul

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  15. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:04

    to jesse I love the black smoke rising from the cabin!!!
    from taine

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  16. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:04

    Hi jayden I like your super writing and the super wards. by Tahlia c

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  17. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:04

    Hi Hannah.
    I think your writing is amazing!!! it draw's a panting in my head

    by Tahlias

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  18. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:06

    Hi CliffordI liked your deceptive writing really quite funny. It had lots of animals in it that is also what I liked about it!

    by Finn!

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  19. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:06

    Hi Jesse I loved your verbs because it mad the store interesting.
    by Dual

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  20. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:07

    Hi Mackenzie
    We really liked reading your story. It painted a picture in our heads, a good picture using lots of adjective and verbs.

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  21. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:08

    To taine i liked your story since it had description.
    from Reuben

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  22. Room 7 ROCKERS!!!!!13 April 2016 at 11:09

    hi Tahlia C we like your strong adjtevs and verbs. by Ellie and Taraleigh

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  23. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 11:41

    Hi Finn, I really liked your adjectives and verbs they made your story way better than your first sentence!!
    by Niamh

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  24. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 18:39

    Hi Yui
    I love your adjectives and strong verbs your story was AWESOME!!


    love from Mackenzie Bl

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  25. Anonymous13 April 2016 at 18:43

    Hi Yui
    I liked your story because it had strong verbs and really good simils that you put in your writing, your story was AWESOME!!!

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  26. Anonymous17 April 2016 at 17:12

    Dear Yui I loved reading your story, it had amazing adjectives and verbs.
    Keep up the GREAT work.
    From Megan

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  27. Anonymous22 May 2016 at 10:55

    Hi Mackenzie
    I really enjoyed reading your story.
    Can't wait to read more of your stories, keep up the good work!

    From Megan

    ReplyDelete

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